The Journal

 

Serving the Metropolitan Area

 

Since 1872

 

 

August 21st

 

LOCKE and LOAD!

 

By Jack Parnell - retired Congressman and Independent Presidential candidate

 

Syndicated by Acme Features

  

          Is it even reasonable to speak of Renaissance ‘midst this commodity culture of ours?

          As some would tell, America's not merely politically divided, but morally venal, venereal and fatally shallow. Virtuecrats abhor its violence and sexuality... much as Roman Emperor Augustus blamed the poet Ovid for such ills as permeated the culture of 7 AD... they blame "roll" music, school shooters, liberals and "Matrix IV". Liberal ostriches, meanwhile, dismiss its commerciality as facile and insincere, debate whether Spanish gender triggers are racist, sexist or both and blame Virtucratic talk radio for those gorps who shot the Arizona Democratic Congresswoman, the Republican baseball playing Congressman, the candidate for Governor of Colorado (promptly freed on bail to shoot again), those black church congregations in Michigan and South Carolina and Jewish synagogues here and there, the two Midwestern governors, dozens of school board members or, for all we know, that gomer as poisoned those trees in Alabam’ – resting, now, in an even warmer place than Montgomery.

          Both wag fingers at H. Rap Brown, as preached (then practiced) violence - "American as cherry pie," inferring a psychic connection with George Washington.  Or was the culprit Stokely Carmichael, with apple pie, or chickens, coming home to roost?  Or Colonel Sanders, calling violence American as a liberal slice of chicken pot pie, and drug-addled, too, from the looks of that dead sarcastic Canadian comedian who replaced him for awhile before the lady country singer and then the… whatever! Minds do wander in the face of stiff Entropic winds.

          Came to me once... in Texas, during this penal junket, eatin' fried chicken with sides and biscuits, sweet tea and strawberry pie at one of those prison-theme restaurants outside Huntsville (you've been to or heard of them places - death penalty memorabilia all around, daguerreotypes of Texas-fried cons posted to the walls)... everything as goes down in public sectors, much of our privates, also, revolves around the posture.

          I don't mean the sit straight, eat your greens variety... tho’ the collards there were marinated in plenty of coronary-inducing bacon pot likker… I'm munching lunch besides a bunch of shanks on display under glass, and thinking about Kleberg, south aways, where it used to be mandatory for bodies to greet each other by saying "Heaven-O!" instead of "Hello" (being that the latter might be taken as an invitation to debauchery by those inclined to evil thoughts).  Gave it up after the ice storms of twenty one on top of that plague there, but they were illuminative.

          Fact is, we're souljackers... the one and all, and posturing aside... no matter how we greet one another. Them pilgrims, first over; they weren't seeking freedom from persecution, as we get told in second grade. They were fanatics who thought Oliver Cromwell something of a nancy-boy for not persecuting other religions enough – the true believers of Deuteronomy 20:17 come down to Inauguration Day 2017, but little else.  After these came boatloads of scum... convicts, maybe not so bad as those shipped to Australia, but bad enough. Black-sheep seventh sons of decaying nobility; paupers, pirates, poets and perverts; Quakers, Irishmen and ranters and the such... last of all, them in the public sector as became self-appointed to do the things they do for The Children.

          And… oh yes, the slaves…

          If the Statue of Liberty had been erected in the Seventeenth Century instead of the Nineteenth, she’d have scrunched up her green copper mouth and called for a thicker blindfold a’fore the firing squad did its duty!

          "I am not meant for the job or the spotlight of public life in Washington," concluded Hillary’s old  buddy Vince Foster a’fore blowin’ his brains out, "where ruining people is considered sport."  (Allegedly committing suicide, I correct myself, so as not to offend the ex-President’s not-fake news, just like SlickWillie snuck into Jeffrey Epstein’s cell to strangle him before he could snitch… or was it Prince Andrew?  The Dersh?)

          Twentieth century culture broke down by thirds. In its first, written fiction and philosophies, European high-hat music and the stage prevailed, as it had for the several previous centuries. Most durable American literature was written or staged before the Second World War... the epoch of Fitzgerald, O'Neill, Odets and Zane Grey... or during and shortly after (Steinbeck, Faulkner, Hemingway). Radio did not so much compete with as complement literary traditions... Roosevelt chatted by his fireside, LaGuardia read Sunday funnies and The Shadow Knew! Foreigners had rants from Stalin and Hitler on their radios to keep them amused of a wintry night in the 20's, 30's and 40's before, as Todd Gitlin complains, "...public speech became the McDonald's of language."

          During the middle of the century a cinematic perspective flowered, lasting from the end of the war until well into the sixties or, some might say, early seventies. Hollywood produced giants... "Giant", in fact, with Liz and Jimmy Dean, "Citizen Kane", "Gone With The Wind", the comedies of the Marx Brothers, Ub Iwerks and Charlie Chaplin and, finally,  “The Godfather”, “MASH” and a tip of the helmet to Captain America in “Easy Rider”..  It was the Golden Age of television too with all them sponsored theatres, with Alfred Hitchcock, Twilight Zone, I Love Lucy… cowboys and cartoons on a Saturday morning and Disney by night.

          But, as the twentieth century dissipated into our own like a fart in the wind and television and its rhythms permeated American culture, then grasped it by the throat, a universal devolution started. Quality in books, films and music swiftly declined into a quantitative sludge of undressings, beheadings, mumblings, car crashes, and explosions. Free speech has often showed a little blue, but it's been a long, low road down from Joyce, D. H. Lawrence, Henry Miller and Nabokov to Julie Pryor's statutory memoirs, Snoop Dogg's kiddie show on cable or that Farrelly Brothers' book with the scratch n' sniff. From Willie Dixon to 2Crazy, "Casablanca" to "Craphouse III".

          At least there’s something for the idle rich to watch on hyper-costly cable.  Last summer, the proles endured their absolute worst distractables ever… incredibly cheap, incredibly cruel “game” shows where the desperate are tortured for a chance to win nickels and dimes  - contemptible programming with no other purpose than to hammer home to America’s bottom third how useless they are, and how everybody is against everybody.

          (And, of course, to sell shit.  Literally… serious persons are scrutinizing those toilet paper ads with the blue and red incontinent bears, scrying to determine what, if any, partisan secrets are being transmitted.)  Maybe a few more paragraphs worth adding to “The Coming Kill Off” about why America does not deserve to survive or why Mister Trump’s action figure is more actionable than Li’l Marco’s,,,

          (And it looks like DC and Marvel are going to bury the hatchet in tradition’s skull when that Avengers/Justice League mashup blockbuster unreels next Christmas.  Three hours sixteen minutes, I hear.)

          Though an occasional "Schindler's List" or "Spin Cycle" might be risked with profits reaped from noisier fare and the coronavirus did put the machine back in the garage for a while, serious Kultur's been marginalized... to the university presses, obscure festivals and art-house outhouses of the borderlands where bitter, NEA-funded crybabies still fling chocolate and elephant ordure. Like old publishing houses, moviemakers and even TV studios morphed into media oligopolies... ham-handed to the point that advertisers as demand two, sometimes three "intermissions" in the longer films wield the moral compass. JFK International Airport slapped Picassos up on its lobby walls for commuters to gape at during the bodysearch lines; Boston's Logan installed a kinetic sculpture by George Rhoads which, a travel writer observed, "…plays snippets of music ranging from Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture to Polly Wolly Doodle."

          And despite the superhero smash-up sequels with big budgets and bigger ticket prices, the old classic cinemas and even mall megaplexes are shutting down.  AMC went broke and now, just the other day, Regal.  Don Jones (the average American) may or may not prefer to stream his entertainment on jerky, ad-infested little devices, but he’s got no choice.  Better waste his time cyberkilling aliens and Afghans on his X-Phone.

          So now we’re settled near onto a quarter into the twenty-first under the umbrellae of Obama, Trump and Joe; the Cyber-Century sucking us down like rats in quicksand, with the cable companies, networks and mega-movie producers mega- merged into a virtual monopoly; first-person shooter games, funny money printed out by loser loners in their exurban garages being hoarded and traded like cans of soup after a hurricane and all that so-called social media as drives teenagers to suicide!  The television perspective has been conquered by one thousand and one game and reality shows, supplemented (and soon supplanted) by moronic podcasts with a streaming peanut gallery of screaming millions jabbering and jabbering until the man with the hook cuts them off to a soundtrack of flushing toilets.

          Inevitably, a culture of trash engenders a politics of blame.  

          Blame the 60's or corporations for commodifying culture... blame Harry Potter, Howard Dean, John Dean or John Locke... whose legacy, as scowled know-it-or-don't fellow Allen Bloom, "has been one of almost unbroken decline in philosophic substance." Blame videogames, the Bush/Clinton/Trump rotting, rotating dynasties (not Michelle Obama or the daughters, not yet, and with the good Biden boy killed off by toxic military waste, I don’t think America is quite as fallen as to embrace Hunter)/  Blame The Apprentice IV or Wittgenstein's adoration of Betty Grable.

          A national cowardice ensues – rife with fake offenses, fake apologies and finger-pointing... President Joe, who called Djonald Untrustworthy “…the most reckless and incompetent commander in chief we’ve ever had,” for deserting the Kurds to be massacred by Turkey then, himself, deserting the Afghans to be massacred by the Taliban (as explicated in a prior DJI Lesson) and is prepared to hand over millions of Uighurs and Ukrainians to the butcher’s block in the name of peace for our time. 

          ’Being blamed’ and ‘taking responsibility’ are not one and the same,” asserts an Atlanta banker, Imani Dhaklya.  “When we make them one and the same to gain power and control over others through guilt and manipulation, we do more damage than we realize.”

          Can't blame the terrorists, too busy blaming us for corrupting their bloodthirsty, pre-Renaissance, misogynistic Islamophiliac dystopias with canned Polish ham and Danish cartoons to the point where Dinesh D’Souza proposed that we appease Al Qaeda by implementing the Sharia – as would leave Washington populated by hundreds of Congressmen, lobbyists and “fair and balanced” pundits truckin’ round, pickin’ boogers out’n their snouts with steel digits, like Captain Hook.  Maybe he has a point – certainly as far as the identify cybercrooks who steal seniors’ Social Security checks go.   Tempering (if not entirely repealing) the Eighth Amendment to bring back the whipping post and ducking stool for borderline misdemeanant/felons as only use their prison time to acquire more... uh... skills would be a vast improvement over the incarceration nation’s Stasi Quo and... as for the juveniles... a few years in a tough but salubrious military school where they would learn manners, edification and useful skills as they can carry into their post-high-school mandatory military service and then onwards to the higher education or workplace.

           "The reason extremists are so upset," says UCLA law professor Khaled Abou El Fadl, "is because there are so many teenagers, Muslim teenagers, who eat this stuff (Western culture) up."  Finally ISIS hopped onto the youth movement bandwagon… they went online.

          Your prize at the end of a Pokemon Go… a suicide vest!  Dope!

          So let a cry of: "We're from Washington, and we've got to do something!" rise up at any crisis-of-the week and, folks, all I can say is lock your daughters away, hide your Bible and your Constitution, both! Stuff your guns, your Coca Cola and folding money into a dead, hollow tree because the politics of posture goes on the march every election season, just like them fire ants as 'et their way through the meth lab trailer, then the rest of Dayton, Ohio, including the Wright Brothers’ Museum!

          After all, "ain't nowheres to go from here but up!" I recall thinking, back there in Texas, readin' this article by some slacker syndicated in the College Station paper as sobs: "Every social phenomenon is considered a disease now!" and the notation that them Lonestarsters are even considering springin’ them jailbirds as didn’t do the crimes as brought their time.  For economic reasons… most states are as broke as Washington, or worse.  Mopping up prison-diner gravy, washed down with the sweet tea and paying the tab for the waitress to ring up on the cash register (as got made up jus' like ol'Sparky, electric sizzle and all!) Being sure to smile... 'case any of them High Sheriffs out of Kleberg were eavesdropping from the Charleie Whitman booth...

          "You say goodbye, I say Heaven-O!"   

 

CLICK the CATFISH to go to PAST and PRESENT EPISODES of "BLACK HELICOPTERS" and to OTHER JACK PARNELL COLUMNS

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