The Journal
Serving the Metropolitan Area
Since 1872
April 27th
POLITICS is BUNKERS!
By Jack Parnell - retired Congressman and Independent Presidential
candidate
Syndicated
by Acme Features
Never did intend to go
into the politics... that urge, as I was brought up understanding, tends, for
good reason, to mostly skip a generation... that dynasty of bunco artists from
Kennebunkport and them other cheatin’ hubby – chilly
wife dopes from Hope being exceptions as oughta prove
the rule. Probably has to do with old tribal warnings that overfamiliarity with
the making of sausages or legislation tends to breed contempt... even
revulsion… and the gene pool gets sort of diluted, even when replicated, from
Adams to Harrison to Trump. Like all
those third-generation Kennedys, flaming out; chasing the ambulances, hatin’ on vaccines like that Bobby Junior as is hopin to use some of Old Grandpa Joes Nazi money to hire T ucker Carlson to seize him the DemNom.
Pa came up to Washington, a bright young
man, in January, '65 on account of the incumbent wearing Barry Goldwater ‘round
his neck like an anvil, or an albatross. The world was quite a different place
in those days; our part of the state still voting Democrat and having separate
facilities for whites and coloreds, as these few liberals among us called 'em. Too late to give a rat’s ass about
It was a different world,
back then; thirty-one hard years in the Senate ago, and fourteen in Congress a’fore that.
I was doing alright in
the family enterprises when the Senator passed on, but said I would go up to Washington,
even after the Guv'nor shafted me by promoting up our
local Congressman, so's I'd be appointed to the
House, not Senate! Big mistake! Cost me my health, my marriage and, almost, my
sanity. But, as I used to believe, a man is obligated to do his civic duty…check
that, an American like that Betty
Ford calling out Justice Kavanaugh, even when all better
instincts scream: "This is a bad, bad idea!"
Some jokers, as held
grudges ‘gainst the Senator, thought it'd be a hoot putting
me on the House Ethics Committee, figuring it the likeliest place for a body to
make enemies and languish in obscurity both. Now, after Monicagate, Pagebait, Obamacare, Trumptramps and
President Joe’s predilection for what the wokesters now
call “felonious touching” not to mention all those Hollywood Romeos, New York Cuomeos and whomever it was that Madison Cawthorne was agitated ‘bout… with my having dumped the
party overboard after Hillary arranged the murder of that guy in Libya, so they
say, and erased her e-mails and they could dump me, one of those sacred
cows up there in the donkey-boy hierarchy says they just wanted to teach me
humility. Didn't think I'd go all so touchy about things... and for a
while it was pretty humiliating to sit in on these sessions; rather like
a judge of the Probate Court or the daytime television, listening to the lies
and made-up excuses of those as who'd acted out their fantasies of abusing the
public trust – and getting paid for
it!
There was this high ranking
General, one of those architects of the "don't ask, don't tell!" busted
for shoplifting women's underwear from his local PX. A couple of my new
colleagues... greedy and common thugs. Some dregs as hung round the bottom of
the barrel since the first Clinton administration, thinking they'd not be
discovered amid all the distractions of those as the Jewish writer up in New
York called "human stains"... that one who wrote about doing it with raw
liver years before "American Pie Three".
Pretty soon
offseason elections were on us and... surprise! surprise! surprise!... I turned out
to have a challenger after all. I don't really blame the Guv'nor
for that one, he'd held his own boy out of the primary, but, in America, you can't
just prohibit anybody with the filing fee to go down and get his name put on
the ballot. That the fellow who did turned out to have a prison record... so wasn't
able to launch much of a campaign... meant I could spread a little surplus
wealth from Pa's little black book around to less fortunate colleagues. Some of
whom, by the way, rewarded me during and after the Obamacare mess by back-spreading
manure in the presence of reporters, calling me things like "nut", "psycho"
and... I really like this... "traitor" after
li’l Denny Kucinich stopped watching my back on standing
up for the single-payer 'cuz the big O gave him an airyplane
ride
"The desire to order
other people around, and make them conform to one's own vision," opines conservative
Tommy Sowell, "takes many forms."
Those Democrats didn’t
understand that Obamacare was and remains just wrong for makin’ criminals of folks who couldn’t
afford health insurance and forcing insurance companies to accept the terminal
cases but without price controls to save the rest of us, just like it was wrong
for the impeacher-ers to have done what they done
but, once they did, keeping that President in office cost America. Not to say
that Uncle Joe Biden would’ve turned out much better, knowin’
as we know now, but we should've got rid of Barack while we had the chance, and
if it meant bringin’ back the riots, so be it! (Give The Donald credit for insuring his
incumbency and his skin by choosing a Bible-brandishing lunatic - but a
competent one as knew well enough to stand aside back in the twenty twenty and follow the bouncing ball even after his master’s
constituency called for his head, or neck) for Vice! See this pre-impeachment Lesson of the Don Jones Index.
We didn't... that's our loss. Blame the
plague, or cheating on the ballots… blame those guys with guns marching round
inner city polling places, or blame Kanye. Time was the real culprit in Uncle Joe’s deflation
like a Chinese balloon; valuable time as his (still twenty some years younger)
mentor could have used to really fix our economy rather than just patching it
up with EZ Chinese debt. Time to have fixed our borders and healthcare,
smothered terrorism in its cradle wasted on birth certificates and tabloid
sleaze.
Like many, I'd taken
a hard look at the Reform Party which, after all, did get almost a fifth of the
popular vote back in '92 – and that with a genuine wingnut at the top of the ticket
as was on his way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue until he started rambling about
CIA and aliens or somebody plotting against his daughter’s wedding. Might have
developed into something, but kept going down and down, down to a place where
even Austin Tillerman wouldn't touch 'em. "There
was a time," that man from Colorado told me, "when the word 'crackpot'
used to mean something!"
Now Austin probably stole
that from somebody... he's a great borrower and can get away with it, having all that great white hair in which to cosset the crablice of humbuggery. So, after retiring, I called a few
names (as didn’t have the warnin’ label “Honorable”
afore ‘em) from Pa's not-so-little black book after and discovered I ain't the only one feeling this disgust and, now, we've
worked up this Coalition for a New Consensus… and as some papers here and about
have even let me run these columns until we figure out if we're a party or not,
the door is open to all those as who figure forty dollars ain't
too much dues for saving America from itself. (And for those as can't afford
the money, all you need do is bring in four others who can.)
We've got our neighborhood
militias... up to eighteen-thousand true believers in the First and Second Amendment now, fully armed and
trained, operable in all areas of this great country. We've got twenty one "Americas
First" stores up and running in the black plus, of course, Rayna’s
door-to-door road warrior princesses and the Internet catalog for those as
prefer doing business face to keyboard. (Gotta grant Djonald
Unchained the credit for makin’ so much cash off his MAGA
hats.) We have the termites, terrorists and the pander bears mightily
scared, so remember... scared little parasites will say or do anything!
Keep in mind the stakes! If the loudmouth
primary parsites don’t have the cojones to stand up
for themselves, we will! Henry Ford had
matters half right... it's not the history but politics that is bunk, and once
we've got the termites scampering back to hunker in their bunkers, our Godly
war against Entropy will be half won already.
|
CLICK the CATFISH to go to
PAST and PRESENT EPISODES of "BLACK HELICOPTERS" and to OTHER JACK PARNELL COLUMNS |