The Journal
Serving the Metropolitan Area
Since 1872
October 25th
POLITICS is BUNKERS!
By Jack Parnell - retired Congressman and Independent Presidential
candidate
Syndicated
by Acme Features
Never did intend to
go into the politics... that urge, as I was brought up understanding, tends,
for good reason, to mostly skip a generation... that dynasty of bunco artists
from Kennebunkport and them other cheatin’ hubby –
chilly wife dopes from Hope being exceptions as oughta
prove the rule. Probably has to do with old tribal warnings that
overfamiliarity with the making of sausages or legislation tends to breed
contempt... even revulsion… and the gene pool gets sort of diluted, even when
replicated, from Adams to Harrison to Trump. Like all those third-generation Kennedys,
flaming out; chasing the ambulances, hatin’ on
vaccines like that Bobby Junior as is hopin to use
some of Old Grandpa Joes Nazi money to hire T ucker Carlson
to seize him the DemNom. Pa came up to Washington, a bright young man,
in January, '65 on account of the incumbent wearing Barry Goldwater ‘round his
neck like an anvil, or an albatross. The world was quite a different place in
those days; our part of the state still voting Democrat and having separate facilities
for whites and coloreds, as these few liberals among us called 'em. Too late to give a rat’s ass about
It was a different
world, back then; thirty-one hard years in the Senate ago, and fourteen in
Congress a’fore that.
I was doing alright
in the family enterprises when the Senator passed on, but said I would go up to
Washington, even after the Guv'nor shafted me by
promoting up our local Congressman, so's I'd be appointed to the House, not
Senate! Big mistake! Cost me my health, my marriage and, almost, my sanity.
But, as I used to believe, a man is obligated to do his civic duty…check that,
an American like that Betty Ford
calling out Justice Kavanaugh, even when all better instincts scream: "This
is a bad, bad idea!"
Some jokers, as held
grudges ‘gainst the Senator, thought it'd be a hoot
putting me on the House Ethics Committee, figuring it the likeliest place for a
body to make enemies and languish in obscurity both. Now, after Monicagate,
Pagebait, Obamacare, Trumptramps
and President Joe’s predilection for what the wokesters
now call “felonious touching” not to mention all those Hollywood Romeos, New
York Cuomeos and whomever it was that Madison Cawthorne was agitated ‘bout… with my having dumped the party
overboard after Hillary arranged the murder of that guy in Libya, so they say,
and erased her e-mails and they could dump me, one of those sacred cows
up there in the donkey-boy hierarchy says they just wanted to teach me humility.
Didn't think I'd go all so touchy about things... and for a while it was
pretty humiliating to sit in on these sessions; rather like a judge of the
Probate Court or the daytime television, listening to the lies and made-up
excuses of those as who'd acted out their fantasies of abusing the public trust
– and getting paid for it!
There was this high
ranking General, one of those architects of the "don't ask, don't
tell!" busted for shoplifting women's underwear from his local PX. A
couple of my new colleagues... greedy and common thugs. Some dregs as hung
round the bottom of the barrel since the first Clinton administration, thinking
they'd not be discovered amid all the distractions of those as the Jewish
writer up in New York called "human stains"... that one who wrote
about doing it with raw liver years before "American Pie Three".
Pretty soon offseason
elections were on us and... surprise! surprise! surprise!... I turned out to
have a challenger after all. I don't really blame the Guv'nor
for that one, he'd held his own boy out of the primary, but, in America, you
can't just prohibit anybody with the filing fee to go down and get his name put
on the ballot. That the fellow who did turned out to have a prison record... so
wasn't able to launch much of a campaign... meant I could spread a little
surplus wealth from Pa's little black book around to less fortunate colleagues.
Some of whom, by the way, rewarded me during and after the Obamacare mess by
back-spreading manure in the presence of reporters, calling me things like "nut",
"psycho" and... I really like this... "traitor" after li’l Denny Kucinich stopped watching my back on standing up
for the single-payer 'cuz the big O gave him an airyplane
ride
"The desire to
order other people around, and make them conform to one's own vision," opines
conservative Tommy Sowell, "takes many forms."
Those Democrats
didn’t understand that Obamacare was and remains just wrong for makin’ criminals of folks who
couldn’t afford health insurance and forcing insurance companies to accept the
terminal cases but without price controls to save the rest of us, just like it
was wrong for the impeacher-ers to have done what
they done but, once they did, keeping that President in office cost America.
Not to say that Uncle Joe Biden would’ve turned out much better, knowin’ as we know now, but we should've got rid of Barack
while we had the chance, and if it meant bringin’
back the riots, so be it! (Give The
Donald credit for insuring his incumbency and his skin by choosing a
Bible-brandishing lunatic - but a competent one as knew well enough to stand aside
back in the twenty twenty and follow the bouncing
ball even after his master’s constituency called for his head, or neck) for
Vice! See this pre-impeachment Lesson of
the Don
Jones Index. We didn't... that's our loss. Blame the plague,
or cheating on the ballots… blame those guys with guns marching round inner
city polling places, or blame Kanye. Time was the real culprit in Uncle Joe’s
deflation like a Chinese balloon; valuable time as his (still twenty some years
younger) mentor could have used to really fix our economy rather than just
patching it up with EZ Chinese debt. Time to have fixed our borders and
healthcare, smothered terrorism in its cradle wasted on birth certificates and
tabloid sleaze.
Like many, I'd taken
a hard look at the Reform Party which, after all, did get almost a fifth of the
popular vote back in '92 – and that with a genuine wingnut at the top of the
ticket as was on his way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue until he started rambling
about CIA and aliens or somebody plotting against his daughter’s wedding. Might
have developed into something, but kept going down and down, down to a place
where even Austin Tillerman wouldn't touch 'em. "There
was a time," that man from Colorado told me, "when the word
'crackpot' used to mean something!"
Now Austin probably
stole that from somebody... he's a great borrower and can get away with it,
having all that great white hair in which to cosset the crablice
of humbuggery. So, after retiring, I called a few names (as didn’t have the warnin’ label “Honorable” afore ‘em) from Pa's
not-so-little black book after and discovered I ain't
the only one feeling this disgust and, now, we've worked up this Coalition for a
New Consensus… and as some papers here and about have even let me run these
columns until we figure out if we're a party or not, the door is open to all
those as who figure forty dollars ain't too much dues
for saving America from itself. (And for those as can't afford the money, all
you need do is bring in four others who can.)
We've got our
neighborhood militias... up to eighteen-thousand true believers in the First and Second Amendment now, fully armed
and trained, operable in all areas of this great country. We've got twenty one "Americas
First" stores up and running in the black plus, of course, Rayna’s door-to-door
road warrior princesses and the Internet catalog for those as prefer doing
business face to keyboard. (Gotta grant Djonald Unchained the
credit for makin’ so much cash off his MAGA hats.) We
have the termites, terrorists and the pander bears mightily scared, so
remember... scared little parasites will say or do anything! Keep
in mind the stakes! If the loudmouth primary
parsites don’t have the cojones to stand up for
themselves, we will! Henry Ford had matters
half right... it's not the history but politics that is bunk, and once we've
got the termites scampering back to hunker in their bunkers, our Godly war
against Entropy will be half won already.
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