MEMP’IS
- INTERMISSION -
from “the FEX FILES
(second transmission)”
Cover
letter (12/31/34) and
4 Transcripts: 3 October – 19 November, 2023
Cover letter - 31 December,
2034 (16:48 hrs.)
RE: Request for Documents: EAFOIA file #66271 A
18 7904 DOC – Second Transmission
Dear Petitioner:
I
am pleased to enclose, per your communication of 2050 hrs. on
1 September of this year, the remaining twelve items of those 21 approved out
of 138
requested under EastAmerica's revised Freedom
of Information Act. With those nine
transmitted yesterday, you now possess all items owing you. As I detailed yesterday, the remaining 117
items will not be provided, nor may their exclusion be appealed, due to the expiration
date of the Act, effect 1700 hours today.
Certain
transcripts (as well as portions deemed confidential, offensive or obscene, of
certain included transcripts) have been disincluded,
per my authority. Regrettably, portions
of Document 123 appear to have been misfiled by this office and are,
consequently, subject to editorial discretion of the EAFOIA. Again, my only
recommendation is to either write your local Delegation or appeal directly to
the Security Directorate (after providing proof of requisite mandatory
urinalysis).
If
you have any further questions, do not hesitate to com at 1 - (666)
555-4090. On behalf of the Bureau, our
wishes for your father's continued well-being and enjoyment of his retirement
are duly conveyed. Health, Security,
Property!
Sincerely,
Edward
"Blinky" Bannister
Documents Co-ordination -
Archives
EastAmerica
Bureau of Investigations
Date: 3 October, 2028
To:
DC
From:
LW
PARTICIPANTS:
Dr. Sidney Volk - Physician
to the President of EastAmerica
Robert Slaton-Hatchett -
"President Bob", Third President of EastAmerica
Adrienne Callinan -
Department of Justice
Alice Grayson - Secretary to the President (via autocom)
SV: Good afternoon... one, two, three,
running... this is Dr. Sidney Volk, physician to Robert "Bob" Staton-Hatchett, Third President of EastAmerica. It's Monday, the 2nd of October, and I am in
the Black Room of the White House for the President's weekly urine
testing. We are awaiting the arrival of
the observer from the Department of Justice.
: Where's that kebbin'
attorney? They're late, you know, always
late. Never do an honest day's work in
their kebbin' lives, and they charge you. They're worse than my old agent, Mordecai Koth...
SV: If you will drink the warm milk that the
First Lady was so kind to provide in the interim... I've taken the liberty of
adding a mild diuretic, in case we have one of those problems...
BSH: Problems?
I'm fit as a diddle. A feeble...
SV: Quite so, sir. But last week, sir, remember, we were forty
minutes...
BSH: A bauble.
Fit kibble. Clem Biddlek’hoff... ever tell you 'bout when I introduced Billy
Willy up on th' stage in
Branson... handsome bastard, lost in the k'ball...
forty minutes? Keb! Well, send the bill up to Bellamy... what are
you... you're worse than Mordy. I had two
cups of chicken rice soup for lunch.
Where is that lawyer? I've a mind
to go right now. Right on the rug... whoo eee!
SV: I
would advise against that, Mr. President.
BSH: Why not?
It's mine! The Dictator of Turkey
gave it to me... he calls himself a Pream-You-Ear but
he's a Dictator, they all are. Two cups
of turkey soup... and a burgle. You people know burgles, right... and not one
jellybean. That's what tripped up poor
ol' Ron...
SV: It
wasn't jellybeans, sir. Most medical
authorities blame licorish...
BSH: Lick your... what?
SV: Licorish. The flavor in the black
ones. It had a chemical that
tested like one of those old designer drugs, but it was a positive and, even though he was already well up into his
nineties, and incapacitated by Alzheimer's, they did have that zero tolerance
rule in effect at the time of his autopsy and there was considerable talk about
revoking his Presidency, so they had
to put an asterisk beside it, retroactively...
BSH: You lick your black ones, I'll drink my turkey
soup. Ron dropped by the station when I
was about your age, doin' Saturday morning shows in
Tulsa... was running for President, of course, not the year he won, but that
other time... where's Phil, I'm almost...
- SOUND OF TELECOM BUZZING
BSH: Yippie yi hi... eh, Alice... what?
Phil is what? She's... she's a
she? A he? Didn't I sign the kebbin'
FDA, oh... not until the first of the month, k'ball! No, I'll... if it don't
frighten her, it won't bother me...
- SOUND OF DOOR OPENING
BSH: You're a lucky young lady, now that Sidney here
kept me from doing my wee wee on the turkey
Dictator’s Rug...
SV: Ma'am,
I'm Dr. Volk, and I think there's been a misunderstanding...
AC: Mrs.
Garroway told me, I could come back later, or have
someone else sent...
BSH: Shoot, honey, just tell that machine there
your name. Won't bite.
AC: I'm...
My name Adrienne Callinan with the
Department of Justice? My
superior... Phil Button... he received word of a prison riot in Michigan and
had to leave suddenly... there were no other, I mean no other male agents
present with the requisite security your age, doin' the
Friday midnight movies... was before he got elected Governor of California out
there...
(Pause – 6 sec.)
AC: That's
nice...
BSH: Shame
'bout Memp'is... anyway, Beetle here...
AC: Dr.
Volk can watch you do your patriotic duty, just to be
sure you're not using turkey soup, or any other substitute. And I'll be watching Dr. Volk, so there will
be a chain of command that delegates, on the record, as a corroborating
witness.
BSH: Gee,
that's smart! Do I look a sort to try to
pull a switch of my pee pee with the dictator
soup? Haw haw!... just puttlin' your tush, little lady.
You're a lawyer, aren't you? I'm
in pictures, used to be. I was that
officer on Crime Scene Denver and a bad guy in that fifth Matrix movie, under
all that makeup. Made me itch. Went to work when I was jus' a boy of
seventeen, a bad guy on that show with Steve McQueen...
SV: Nick
Adams...
BSH: Oh yeah... and that other one. Got shot on that show too. I'll just step over here. I was, in Italy, big fex...
that Guns of Grizzly Gulch, back in seventy eight...
- DRIPPING SOUND
BSH: Ah... that's good, so [ expletive deleted - Blinky ] goo... ooode! 'Nother
cup! Two cups... yeah, I was in
the pictures. Not so many as Ronny or Clint...
or that German fellow... but I was an action hero and a union man, and that's
what we need now! That's what the
country needs more of, now, a man standing tall in the saddle with his weezer in his hand.
Stop peekin' Doctor... say, you ain't one of them licorish eaters too, are you?
SV: No,
I... no sir...
BSH: Well,
let's be sure. Cumm'ere,
Doc, so the nice lady can't see... now you
whip it out!
SV: But,
sir...
BSH: Now
that's an order, Doc...
-
INAUDIBLE, 8 SECONDS
BSH: It's
different. There something wrong with li'l man Volkswagen...
SV: No,
sir, it's... it's a religious matter...
BSH: Wee...
ell! That's interesting! I'll have to bring that up with Timmy Quayne, next time the good Reverend pays a call. Hey... did I say you're a good lookin' lady, I.... uh...
AC: Adrienne. Adrienne Callinan.
BSH: Hot
dog! Dirty Harry's
girl, and smart... say, Rayanne, do people talk about
me in Phil's office? About my career,
whether I'm... you know... losing ground?
I hear some people want to bring back that two term limit, then raise up Li'l Joe to run against
me. I was an actor, sure, but not like
Ron or Roy, Arnold, your Pa or little Joe.
Rayanne, the only body that can whup a Western television actor is a Western movie actor. Tell me what they're saying...
SV: Sir,
if I...
BSH: Doctor,
you're excused! And turn off that damn thing! Little Joe was an angel, later on. S'tough... makin' a run against angels...
AC: Are
you referring to Michael Landon, Mr. President?
He's been dead for... oh... thirty years? I don't know... way before the earthquakes...
BSH: Make
it harder, them angels. Reach out to
grab one an' he disappears. If I were... clearances...
(Pause – 9 sec.)
BSH: So you volunteered to come and watch the
President make his wee wee?
AC: I
swear... Phil didn't tell anybody about his assignments. He's very security conscious.
SV: Well,
just give me Justice's number, and I'll put in a call for, well... a gentleman
agent.
BSH: I
can't wait. Can't wait! Two cups, doc, I told
you... I'm fair about to burst!
AC: Well,
in that case, why don't you stand here, behind the desk. And Doctor... Doctor...
SV: Volk...
BSH: Call
'im Volkswagen cause he looks like a little
beetle! Say, Miz
Callahan, ain't you related to Dirty Harry? His granddaughter, maybe?
AC: No,
sir, that's Callinan...
BSH: Dirty
Harry dropped by the station in Memp'is when I was
'bout
TAPE ENDS
Transcript 73 of 138
requested
Date:
26 October, 2028
To: DC
From: LW
PARTICIPANTS:
Frank Tosca - testing ombudsman, EastAmerican Granted Liberties Organization
Phil Mooney - SSPO
Jason Interberg
- Department of Justice
Thomas Dow - Labor Relations
Administrator, Homeland Security
Simon Griswold - private citizen
Walt Bellamy - Department of the
Budget
Dan Buhlesson
(via autocom)
The above-referenced meeting took
place on Monday, 23 October in Silver Springs, representing a continuation of
the meeting of 25 August. At the suggestion
of Jason Interberg, Walt Bellamy of Budget was asked
to attend. Simon Griswold was invited by
Mr. Tosca on his own initiative, with background and testing information
provided to Interberg only five days in advance.
Thomas Dow advised Interberg to terminate the meeting, in that Frank Tosca's
action constituted a breach of faith. Interberg, upon the recommendation of Phil Mooney, made autocom contact with Dan Buhlesson
of Homeland Security, who advised that the meeting continue as planned. "It's
his last play," Buhlesson told Interberg, "so he has every right to bring in as much
outside muscle as possible. We'd have to
deal with Simon eventually, why not assess what he has to contribute? After all," concluded Buhlesson, "you're not putting anything in writing,
are you?"
Tosca reiterated his concern that
further capitulation to protocols without anything to show for it will erode
what little credibility that labor still possessed.
Dow adopted a hard-line position,
stating that labor had nothing left with which to bargain.
Tosca replied that, with the economy
humming again; farming mechanized, manufacture almost wholly exported south and
east and domestic service threatened by the new cloning and bioengineering
technologies, there would have to be some activity left for all Americans (and,
even, Baratarians) as an alternative to the welfare
state.
"When you people gave up the
right to strike after the k'ball, it was just a mere
formality... you'd stopped stoning scabs years before, decades..." Dow
continued... "and that's why you're in the shape
you're in today. And I, frankly, don't
see any merit in negotiating with an interest group that cannot deliver more
than empty threats and vague appeals to conscience. Why should Mr. Bellamy open the national
checkbook to maintain, on life support, an institution that is dead,
philosophically if not clinically?
(Mr. Griswold said little, but
observed the proceedings, intently paying special attention to Dow's last
comments.)
Walt Bellamy attempted to soften some
of Dow's rhetoric, without varying from the conservative policies previously
agreed to.
He described, in detail, the upcoming
budget and...
CONFIDENTIAL FINANCIAL INFORMATION DELETED per DIRECTIVE 84
-
CONFIDENTIAL (1:31
min.) CLASSIFIED BY SECURITY - BLINKY
Only at the mention of WestAmerican terrorism did Tosca lose his temper. "President Bob has been playing ball
with the Westies since May," he said.
At this point, Mooney referred to a
compromise proposal, seemingly arrived upon between himself, Superintendent Buhlesson and other parties, as described in that Executive
Summery of 25 September.
Security, with the aim of
coordinating the public and private sectors, has identified a number of potential
spinoffs of the proposed information bank.
Insurance agencies could lease data on health projections. Marketing and credit firms would benefit from
new sales approaches; as the pool of solvent LCs grew, the opportunities for
mandatory rehabilitation centers would expand.
Mooney suggested Mssrs.
Dow and Tosca set aside their differences and work jointly to achieve an
equitable, economically sound agreement.
He mentioned that Dan Buhlesson has suggested
a 5% union component as a condition for access to the leasing program, with an
incentive of up to 25% for clinics. He
further suggested that Mr. Tosca reciprocate by considering the investment of
certain union pension funds at his disposal, and that Simon Griswold be
considered for the purpose of fulfilling mandatory affirmative-action policies.
Tosca suggested privatization of
reference verification to get a piece of that pie, citing labor's role in
quelling the anti-globalization riots of December and March; Griswold described
the work of reference collectors and cited spinoff industries... marketing,
credit and the promising fex/title market springing
up in lower-income urban areas. Tosca
responded that these are almost always non-union positions and made a comment
to the effect that domestic tranquility resides in a facade of a labor
movement, the way that the Interior Department has left a screen of redwoods
adjacent to commuter roads in many California locations.
The meeting closed on a more amiable
note than it had opened with. While the
details of Denton-Hatch remain far from ironed out, it is encouraging that
substantive progress now seems just around the corner.
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