The Journal
Serving the Metropolitan Area
Since 1872
August 14th
WHEN TERROTHEISTIC POLYESTRIALS ATTACK!
By Jack Parnell - retired Congressman and Independent Presidential
candidate
Syndicated
by Acme Features
Now that our
fraudulent elections were defraudulated, then refradulated again in the metaworld
of most red Don Joneses, America dodders in the decent, if shaky, hands of a
weak, near-octogenarian Democrat, ex-President Trump faces hard time (not only were the
riots Capitol, those espionage raps... if any stick... could have be capital) and his base has become madder
than hell and ready for (another) revolution.
MAGAmobs are starting to scrape them Pence-istic bumperstickers "WWJVF?"
(as mean "Who Would Jesus Vote For?") off their F-150s while others, suddenly astounded to learn
that ex-VP Mike may have been a good guy all along and perhaps fearful of the wrath
of the Omega Variant, are slapping them on their Teslas
against the Judgment Day (which may come by civil war, by nuclear war or
climate change). Writ in tiny lettering
as makes people tailgate and cause accidents on account of being on their
phones, drinking hot, spillable coffee… ‘cept in New
Jersey… and tryin’ to get close enough to read the
message… the mystery ain't so mysterious- Americans
are starting to question the premise we accepted as, well, gospel six months
ago that Jesus votes Republican, the meaner and more corrupt the pachyderm, the
better.
Might be presumption
– might be prediction, also, but if shit happens and the elephant men defy the
pollsters and the pundits, get the willies and Dump Trump to nominate some
televangelist gomer, probably from Florida and Djonald
Undeterred makes his metaversal Party of Trump a
genii summoned into reality for 2024, giving even Pence and Mitchy
McConnell (see DJI 220205)
the wilies. Saint Ron?
Fading. Nikki
Haley? Naw! Scott?
A nominee who’s an... uhm... nword? The ABC (Asa, Burgum, Christie) bunch? Not likely…
Like most midterm Republicans
said: their Democratic challengers “hated God.” And God hated back – in what should’ve been a
slam dunk, one MAGAcrazy after another went down in
flames worse than on Maui. Therefore, an
analysis of the military components of Trump’s failed Revolution (conducted by
the white-folks hating Congressional Inquisition, egged on by the Southern
Poverty Law Center at the behest of the Bezoizabel-ish
WashPost, the demonic Jack Smith and Fulton County grand
jury) is under way, so proceed at your own risk…
Trump’s revolutionary logistical muscle was
the Council for National Policy (CNP), as noted by this Don
Jones Index, during
the Troubles surrounding the One Six.
One of its five founders, Tim LaHaye, is the co-author of the Left
Behind series of apocalyptic Christian novels and a man who has
described gay people as “vile,” said the Illuminati are conspiring to establish
a “new world order,” attacked Catholicism, and once worked for the wildly
conspiracist John Birch Society. Another was John Rousas
Rushdoony, who is listed in the 2014 directory’s “In
Memoriam” section and advocated for a society ruled by Old Testament law
requiring, among other things, the stoning of adulteresses, idolaters and
“incorrigible” children. (The Taliban
would approve of the message, if not the medium.)
Democrats and Republicans
In Name Only (RINOs) north of Richmond, west of Bakersfield and under eighty do
not understand Bible believers, never have done so (since the
passing of William Jennings Bryan: progressivist, populist, evangelist, Secretary
of State and three-time Presidential loser) and never will, because most meat-eaters
on the Christian right, as are called Dominionists, (a
few of Jesus’ alt-right alter-egos on the altar of statesmanship may now prefer
Dominationists) go all alt-factual over their actual
agenda which, put in a nutshell, boils down to this:
God raises up or slaps down
peoples (from city-states like Sodom and Gomorrah or Babylon… Baghdad to the secularly
inclined… or the Jebusites of Deuteronomy 20:17 to whole nations like France or
even empires like Alexandrian Greece, post-Julian Rome or 20th century
Great Britain and Soviet Union – Russia, under its KGB dictator and Orthodoxist oligarchy, like atheist China, are having their
moments under the moon, but will be cruisin’ for a bruising’
come the Big One) based upon the sum of their collective virtue, or the lack of same, as set down in the Ninth Psalm.
He named Jews His chosen
peeps, punished them for transgressions with temporary slavery to Babylon,
Persia (Iran) and Egypt, finally writing off the lot of 'em (so the Vice President
and most Christian Identifieers will tell you) for
not falling in line behind Jesus (or, perhaps, Mel Gibson – who was, by the
way, absolutely right about Jews being responsible for all of the wars of the
world now that those Hindu-Buddhist troubles in Sri Lanka are largely settled… provided
you include Israel’s redheaded stepchildren, Islam and Christianity as at
least one of the combatants – like the
Mosley Uighurs in China or Pakistan’s pre-nuclear kerfuffle with Hindu’s from-India
Indians… not to be mistaken for the American Indians or Native Americans, if you
will). From about Constantine on, He got behind the Vatican for its thirteen
centuries until Martin Luther pried the Angles, Visigoths and Saxons and such
out of the claws of Rome… them Catholic glory days finally ending when God’s
great storm rose up and sunk the Spanish Armada, back in 1588. The U. K. was next to build its empire, master
and cash in on its slave trade and hold God's grace 'til 1776 or thereabouts...
some hold they lost the gold ring for failing to exercise dominion over their
colonies and sufficiently convert (or kill) its pagan natives, or maybe JHVH
finally woke up to the fact that the Church of England had come into being so
as to permit merry old marryin’ Henry VIII… a role
model for President Trump and Slick Willie, par
excellance… to divorce or kill all those wives.
Now, God's on
(By the by, and speaking of redheads, that Harun Yahya as is all
the rage in Fundamentalland these days among the Islamo-Reconstructionist fusionists these days predicts
that the real Jesus will come back
any day now… he’ll be “tall, red-haired, narrow-waisted with an innocent
expression, polite looking and highly logical and rational” as opposed to the
dark, scruffy Antichrist, a half-blind cripple whom Allah will make ugly “for
identification purposes”. Add to the
Texas supply-chainsaw massacres emptying notion stores the thousands of street
and televangelists grabbing every bottle of hair dye they can snatch from the
paw and the jaws of Rudy Giuliani!)
At any rate, it's kosher
(as among certain Muslims and Jews) to promote bashing queers (except, maybe, Djonald Unhinged’s favored Village
People), the dark people, sick people, vagina positives, the unemployed and moron
atheists as scurry round, tearing down Christmas crèches and crosses. Slippery Dominion-Christians in these lying
times, however, feel obliged to couch their convictions about race, sex, women
and privilege in honeyed euphemisms.
Praise the Lord, then,
for the rare, honest Dominionist as Rushdoony’s successor, David Chilton, who still upholds Biblical
slavery, or Bob Cox, delegate to the Christian Coalition convention, as decodes
America's problem: "We need to get society back to where it is OK to establish
rights and wrongs, and what is white and black." Goes back to Noah, drunk and naked in his tent
under the eyes of Shem (or was it Ham?... one of those ‘ums…) as the Lord duly
punished by consigning all African peoples to bondage in perpetuity. Not until a wussy named Lincoln issued his emancipation proclamation,
then got shot before he could finish the job and ship the freed slaves down to
Haiti, nor would freedom come at last when a conniving Barack Hussein Obama,
crawled out’n the woodpile and into the White House –
trailed by his pack rat Veep Biden (now as becomes
President Joe!). Bondage! Forever! No exceptions, s’long
as White America does right by His rules.
There's only three things
need be understood: first, God loves to see a body suffer; two, that while it
may be more virtuous to take the burdens of suffering on yourself, like Job or
Jesus did, God also hi-fives those who help the process by adding to other
people's sufferings; and, three, there's this big computer upstairs,
with a counting program as adds up the miseries of all peoples of all the
nations, weighed collectively against their sins (or pleasures taken, same
difference) and America stays top dog or gets lowered in His estimation, based
upon the balance thereof.
Well, there used to be
four – but it seems now that Pence, Djonald’s unhung personal intercessor with God on behalf of the
President’s misadventures with cheeseburgers, reptilian space invaders and
Stormy Daniels, has jumped off the crazy train.
God's scales are
ever so precariously balanced. Could come down to twelve-year-old Timmy
Timms in Tulsa, masturbating under the sheets, or not, after some Julie Pryor
special on the MTV... one stroke too many and God sends Commanders Cuatro 'n Zazzbo riding back in at the head of an army of millions of
Mes'cans and Chinese, hook-nosed Wall Street crypto counters
and Ay-rab oil sheikhs, sleazy Hollywood accountants
and them frackin’ Texas weasels as skimp on their
donations to the RNC – maybe Hilary Clinton, too. And George Soros, gotta
be in there, somewhere, with Bill Gates. Plus those Japanese… as, at least, seem mostly
to obey the Fifth Commandment over the last seventy-some years, compared to the
denizens of Chicago. Quick as a weasel, America's
a second-rate has-been nobody walks in fear of, just like Egypt or the Dutch,
who deny that private morality and dermal correctness must become
a matter for the government to govern... and those cheese-eatin’,
pot-smokin’ fornicators are even training hawks and
eagles to attack and destroy the law and de Lawd’s obnoxious,
ubiquitous peeping deep blue police drones peeking through the Jones family
windows in search of sin.
Could happen here, too!
Now Jesus bein' born in a manger might put one in mind of homeless people,
sleeping in cars or shelters, or those public hospitals as turn away paupers
without money or insurance under that failed and essentially repealed (but not
yet officially replaced) Obamacare... or send working parents off to go on TV
and the Internet and beg for charity. All that Sermon on the Mount shinola! Some foolish
sorts used to preach religion as meant being against slavery and rum and child
abuse (and maybe women’s suffrage – with the emphasis on “suffer”), but these have mostly disappeared, as Mike Huckabee
found out, resulting in losers like Johnny Mac getting with the program in
oh-eight, Willard… not the rat in the movie or MAGAhotel
in deecee, I mean Mitt… downplaying the golden
spectacles and funny underwear four years later, and Djonald
Unchained winning big enough to gag all of them Mormons, espousing salvation of
the M-13 variety to the donor class and pimpin’ his
Vice… the now-formerly-loyal but still Mister Pence – that unhung (unhanged?)
zero. For all the good that it does any
of ‘em. Works, God's Chosen will tell you, don't matter against public gestures
of faith... as in faith-based economics, medicine, schools, wars and prisons,
even the faith-based driving, as means rapturing out into traffic, eyes wide
shut, secure that if a sixteen wheeler or bus of crippled children looms up,
it's really a good thing, since suffering saves and salves the soul, and
it’s the Kingdom of Heaven that's at hand for the virtuous among the victims. No confirmation, yet, however, that Mr. Musk and
those smart car fellas at Tesla plan to call their self-driving deathrap apps Jesus, as gets accessed when you say, “Jesus…
take the wheel,” and settle back to watch them Avengers’ new reboot animated movie
with those Korea-pop kids on the mobile full of all that Chinese spyware and drink
hot coffee.
‘Cept
in
You can see the
short leap o'faith as followed from Marco Rubio’s
admonitions to women to appreciate rape and incest as just alternative ways of
creating life through Harvey Weinstein, Andy Cuomo, Jeffy
Epstein and friends to al Qaida's Zarko, as boasted: "We love death more
than you love life," before getting his wish and getting his brand
overtaken by ISIS. Dirty li'l secret of Washington's Dominionists is how butt-close they stand to Islam, if only
the fedayeen'd doff their turbans and hijabs like
Yahya, slap on a red ballcap and kill for Jesus, 'stead of Mohammed. When Shiekh Mouhamed Said Tantawy, grand imam of Egypt's thousand year old Al-Azhar
University (dude sometimes called the "Muslim Pope") called for jihad
after the 9-11, Syed Buhkari, Allah's right hand in
India, fatwa'd: "The war between right and wrong
has begun!" and certain of Dubya's advisors trembled, as possibly finding
themselves on the wrong side of God as He takes out papers changing his name to
Allah like one of them Kardashians changing her name back again from that of
her hubby-of-the-month. Some even made up with those E.T. end-times infidels
and Hollywood Kabbalists as line their pockets with fantasies of judgment and
destruction.
Seems God stopped listening
to VeePee Pence’s excuses for his thoroughly horrible
boss, and then Pence apparently stopped believing, too. Which, the mob howled, made him eligible for that
necktie party.
Rev'rend
Hammer, with his wicked, plaid polyester trousers dancin’
and a-prancin’ on the Sunday morning television, as says
we're all a part of some "mighty IT", promptly proclaimed that "...
with the step into the interstellar Third Millennium, the end of terrestrial polytheism
will inevitably come." Could’ve
scored a gig as speechwriter for Marianne Williamson, but she’s a Democrat.
Remember that eclipse
year and some back, those blood moons and even blue blood moons over the last
few years? Kim Jong Un does… and he
probably thought that deviltry from Mardi Gras’d shut
down all of NORAD and CONELRAD, probably Cointelpro too,
meaning it was time to launch his birds south during the closing ceremonies
down south, there. Sorry, Kim, din’t happen! Malfunction!
Now there are days
as I also wish I could just make all the trash on TV... news and programming,
sports, weather and advertising... go ‘way but, being a sensible Catfish
(neither a doom-lovin' Fundamentalist, nor dim
liberal), I've realize that to pull the plug on Gilbert Gottfried's cable
gameshow with them pro-lawyer, anti-insurance subliminals
and SUV pop-ups would be to eliminate one of the last few made-in-America
enterprises that we can offload onto the rest of the world... along with
cigarettes, pornography, toxic shale sludge, glutinous foodstuffs for stuffed
gluttons, weapons of mass destruction and distraction and sadistic
videogames... to even partially even-out our balance-of-payments problem.
Not to mention pigs.
Lotsa pigs! (Not so many chickens, unfortunately,)
And, since private
religion's become public property when running political campaigns, I wouldn't
be honest if I didn't throw out my own two cents... I think God made the world
because he was plain damn bored, and he enjoys watching us li'l two-legged ants
run round, making fools of ourselves afore he totes out the magnificaion
glass. I wouldn't say this if I thought the Coalition would have to go into a one-on-one
come Election Day but... seeing as Democrats have their morally relevant
constituency and the Republicans their mean, corrupt Deity (and another likely
schism with the old man or his Veep already schemin’ to
take on that unsaintly Saint Ron and Cruzieros mumbling about Jebusites after Djonald’s American dream explodes and he gussies up his
Third Party for himself, if eventually acquitted of the Capitol insurgency, or
for Don Junior, Ivanka or Erik if not)... I think there's a fair chance we’ll
see anywhere from four to eight competitive parties, so we'd take our sixteen
and two thirds plus one from the rest of Americans such as
despise the both of them, which is about the same percentage of 'Murkans as say that they believe in evolution. I do... bein’ as too many Congressmen, state and local legislators,
televangelists, media celebrities and the such aren't much more evolved than a
tail away from monkeyhood. Want proof? This sad little town in which we’re holding our
convention on account of the premises being cheap is run by my good buddy Peter
“Pinhead” Potter who, if he were in a better place, could be America’s answer
to the late, great Rob Ford.
Cruelty is not strength.
Effeminacy is not compassion.
As for God's endorsement:
well, I’m a Satanist on Sundays, but count me a card--carryin'
member of that largest of all denominations, the Bad Christians, for the rest
of the week. I can't promise to make all Americans all good, all the time...
but I will do my dam... 'scuse me, my darnd'st... to make us more interesting
(tho’ the Divil in me would
like to see Djonald UnPardonable
convicted in that Georgia state court, win in 2024 and serve out his four years
in office and four or more year prison term simultaneously – the both!) But no... wouldn’t want the Big Guy to get ideas about cancelling our
show, not a’fore I’ve had my chance
to turn things round!
CLICK the CATFISH to go to
PAST and PRESENT EPISODES of "BLACK HELICOPTERS" and to OTHER JACK PARNELL COLUMNS |