Serving the Metropolitan Area

Since 1872

March 19th

PRETTY CRAZY!

By Jack Parnell - retired Congressman and Independent Presidential candidate

Syndicated by Acme Features

With the Communism defunct (and fanatic Islam disturbingly congruent to fundamentalist Christianity), the flag-burners and gay marriagers deminimalized into the black hole of State legislatures and evil Mexicans thwarted by the erection of our tall, American wall, Squeamish of the right persuasion desperately need a new scarecrow. They've found it in political correctness (hereinafter, PC)... that vanguard of the few, the proud, the sensitive!

PC's come into maturity in mosquito-pond marinades of failed liberalism... (as if there’s been any other kind since eleven twenty-two sixty three)… PeeCeisters revere Trotsky and Che, but abhor Stalin and Castro. Following the Whorfian Hypothesis... not a plot device on a Star Trek rerun, but linguist Benjamin Whorf's notion "that language determines thought"... PC's victim untermensch (or, more germanely, their white, middle-class "advocates", spokesmen and attorneys) stagger, like movie zombies, after that Holy Grail of all post-industrial society... spare change.

Their silly season usually commences with autumn's return to school and the ritual protests against historical military statues and demands that racist, patriarchal, speciest athletic nicknames like Braves, Pirates (at Armstrong State in Savannah, the PC left cried "Rape!", joining right-wing defenders of private property offended by the "pillage and plunder" morality of the likes of "Frenchie" Depp) or Wolverines be replaced by "Banana Slugs" or "Caring Nurturers".

Columbus Day always brings good footage of PeeCeister-keisters kicked by elderly Italians at whom they've thrown eggs (or, in the case of vegans, broccoli and onions) from behind police barricades. Then comes the witching season of Halloween... the Warlocks' Anti-Defamation League vying for media attention with PC school districts, like that in Iowa as banned white children from costuming themselves as Indian princesses, slaves or Gypsies, thus satisfyin' and gratifyin' both the Aryan Nation constituency and Iowa's numerous restless minorities.

Then, Thanksgiving brings forth that fringe of the fringe of the margin... former liberals who, disillusioned over minorities, women, abused children and other human victims discharging them as their spokesmen, have fastened on to the only constituencies left - plants and animals! Not just the turkey people, but this cellist in Eureka, California as disrupts the winter "Peter and the Wolf" children's concert (anti-wolf!) and those as railed at Wheaties to have angler Denny Brauer inked off its boxes as a murderer of fish or boycott cornflakes as exploiting "Nazi-directed pollination", supplanting the stubby, stunted maizes that serviced vastly smaller indigenous populations four centuries ago.

Once PETA-philes have had their fifteen minutes, our media raptors miraculously discover the poor and homeless, leading to a positively Hillarious spree of Clintonian self-flagellation, culminating in a final string of chaotic assaults on Christmas... downgraded, by sensitive (and lawsuit-fearing) school boards, like that of Covington, GA, to "the winter holidays"... as either too religious or too commercial. Then, until next autumn rolls round, compassion's legions sink back into their underground of Greenwich Village, Hollywood and university communities like Cambridge, Massachusetts (where pusillanimous City patriarchs posted "domestic violence-free zone" street signs at intersections facing Harvard and MIT, where much of our nuclear and biotech-based weaponry research is done).

Multiculturalism... which term for reverse racism was officially defined by Ousmane Soce Diop, Senegalese Ambassador to the United Nations in 1966... consists of demanding economic assistance while maintaining cultural separatism. "We're here to get paid," declaims Nation of Islam minister Sammi Muhammad. "Money, that's what we want!" – a sentiment seconded by Jesse Jackson in September, 2007 when, after foolish London Mayor Ken Livingstone apologized for slavery, he demanded reparations (no doubt to be determined, collected and disbursed by…. Himself).

Wealthy or, at least, well-off palefaced legions of the "compassionate community" must be more... well... creative in justifying their grants, tenures and gumment sinecures. Multiculturalist Stacey D'Erasmo found her goldmine comparing the literary canon of dead white males and a few females... Blake and Woolf, the Brontes, George and T. S. Eliot and Ezra Pound... to a pound of Spam: "resilient and, for planners of curricula, cheap." Why, she asks, didn't the Columbia Literary History of the United States, include "Indian cave narratives"? After all, Oxford (England, not Mississippi) published an anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-dextrous Bible... no talk of the "right hand of God" as would offend the Sinister Liberation Front. Consequently... following the 60's principle of issuing non-negotiable demands which, when satisfied, are followed up by even more ridiculous non-negotiable demands... Stay's even done us the favor of rewriting the Lord's Prayer: "Father-Mother (heaven deleted), hallowed be your name, may your dominion come."

Somewhere (not Heaven, of course, but in a nameless, value-neutral Place), God... looking rather like Michael Jackson, no doubt, sits... simpering, stroking his dominion and welcoming such PC angels as the postal bureaucrats who airbrush cigarettes from Jack the Dripper's stamp, or that new James Bond, with anti-drug and anti-smoking bumperstickers on his KIA Kaos. Inevitably... from Wittgenstein's arguments favoring process over product... Ghiselin, the relativist, proceeds to: "Instead of asking ‘What is Good?’, we ask ‘What has happened?’"

For getting on three decades, now, what's happened is militant conservatism and corrupt liberalism acting in tandem to narrow the spectrum of American political discourse to the proverbial needle's eyes of Michael Moore and Sean Hannity. "Forbid real progress and you get weirdness," admonished columnist Tom Teepen... "where there should be exuberance in our diversity, there is instead the death of all banter and social ease." Eric Rudolph, Osama and ELF... not Will Farrell, but that Earth Liberation Front as my bro' Austin Tillerman keeps havin' to deny copulation with... are only the visible, violent tip of a strange iceberg as contains, below the waterline, an even stranger bevy of bedfellows (or, in PC-speak, bedpersons... bedbugs?).

No wonder America's distrust of politics deepens every election... not only are most "choices" among flavors of relativistic mush, but existant radical "alternatives" are promulgated by egomaniacal zealots, be they red, red-white-and-blue or watermelon (green on the outside, red within). Many as still crave dialog and discourse with other humans have turned to the anonymity of phone sex lines and the Internet. Maybe true multiculturalism's a tubercular mother of six in West Jonestown, Guyana pretending to be Malibu Barbie, or a fourteen year old with exploding zits passing himself off as the junk bond e-broker, with a deal you can't refuse.

"There must be a whole potential 'yuppie porn' industry out there, anticipated columnist Alice Kahn, "a place where live nude investment counselors can talk of market dominance, rising interest rates, stocks and bondage."

Call it politically incorrect but, if I'm on an airline to or from Bangkok and a twitchy, Middle-Eastern sort takes the aisle seat next to me, boots up his laptop and summons up one of those kiddie-porn sites with funny, Middle-Eastern writing, I'm gonna eyeball that suckah... all the way cross the pond.

'Less'n the flight movie's "Terminator 4 - Final Judgment" (with that hairgel guy as stands in for the Guv'nor) or something like that as will promote the sleep!

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